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The Shameless Hussies: read the novel online

Rants:  Children

It is official:  the UK birth rate is falling off a cliff because more people want to be happier for longer.

            The Institute of Public Policy Research has announced the results of a survey* of 1500 adults about the relationship between having children and happiness.   Amongst its many interesting findings, it confirms the impression from thousands of dinner-parties across the land:  that two-income couples are becoming cautious of the lifestyle sacrifices related to child-raising, and postponing reproduction accordingly – sometimes indefinitely.

            More people are waiting for that ideal moment when all the planets align:  there is finally enough money, the career goals have been achieved, and the relationship has hit and bounced off all the major obstacles in the road.

            The results show that more couples want to ‘consumption smooth’ (an awful way of saying ‘feather the nest’) against the impending financial drain of a baby. This is especially true of women in their thirties, 42% of whom worried about the ‘Mother Tax’- the unequal share of sacrifice that women experience by virtue of being the lucky one with the womb.

            One result of this trend is to create a ‘with or without divide’, a gap in life experience between the Withs and the Withouts.  Cue resentments on both sides.

            The Withs begrudge the holidays, undisturbed sleep patterns, and general lack of bodily fluids on the Withouts’ clothing.  Even people who are outwardly wild with joy at being parents view their child-free friends variously as irresponsible, self-obsessed, or hopelessly immature.  ‘You’ll change your mind,’ they say, nodding madly at each other, ‘Look how happy we are!’ while wondering whether it is possible to sleep while driving home.  Withs worry about ending up in a state care facility for the elderly, being fed cat food hash.

            The Withouts think that the Withs are showered with society’s approval, handouts from the government, and several months of paid leave – just for having unprotected sex. Withouts worry that they may be irresponsible, self-obsessed, or hopelessly immature. Withs get the best parking spaces at the supermarket and the only economy airline seats with leg room.  Withouts feel the weight of society’s expectations as they move deeper into their thirties, and endure intrusive questioning about their reproductive health - nosy relatives gazing pointedly at one’s middle parts.  Withouts worry about ending up in a state care facility for the elderly, being fed cat food hash. 

            The report concludes that, ‘if we wish to be happier, as well as address the issues presented by a falling birth rate, then society must address some of the challenges parents face.’ 

            This begs an obvious question:  why should having children necessarily have anything to do with happiness?  Did previous generations reproduce because it would make their lives nicer?  More fulfilled? 

Of course not.  They did it because a) it was an unavoidable consequence of having sex; or b) because they needed more hands to work the fields or c) some family line depended on it and there was a cousin handy.  Only recently has a baby become the ultimate accessory, like a fantastically expensive pair of shoes, a ‘lifestyle choice’ rather than an inevitable part of life.

            Clearly more people are weighing up the reasons for and against, doing complicated calculations to forecast whether there will ever be enough money/time/stability in their relationship.

           It has been estimated that it costs approximately £140,000 to raise a child to the point where it can legally support itself.   As a final piece of useful decision-making data, that is the equivalent of 43,100 shares in Mothercare, 8.5 Mini Coopers, or 275 pairs of Jimmy Choo satin slingbacks with pearl cluster. 

 You do the maths.

 Vanessa

 Have another point of view?  Email us with your own rant.

*Commissioned by Lever Fabergé